Momfessions

Sweet Siblings

2012-01-27T14:35:00.001+02:00

...and my heart is a puddle.

(And although I know they will want to kill me when they are 17 and 16 for sharing this with the interwebs at large - I just love it too much to keep it to myself. You're welcome.)

The Dentist vs. The Superheroes

2012-01-16T14:11:00.003+02:00

You know what you don't want to hear two hours before you're supposed to be at the airport to catch a plane out of America?

"You need a root canal."

Now I'm half a world away and half-way done getting my first root canal. (I'm not sure if that's normal, but the dentist here said she's not done and I need to come back next week. Oh life overseas, you never cease to amaze.)

Luckily, I have these adorable superheroes on my side:

...and if stuff goes sour at the dentist on Friday, I know they'll be able to bring me around with their super-powered, sticky-handed hugs and super-strength, slobbery kisses.

from us to you

2011-12-24T09:01:00.001+02:00

Christmas Guy

2011-12-20T09:02:00.004+02:00

Stinkbug says, "I'm the Christmas guy!"

I think he means Joseph or maybe a shepherd. Either way this kid is hilarious.

Every time he sees a nativity scene set up he calls it an "Away in a Manger"-- Mommy, look they have an Away in a Manger! And then he gently starts moving the pieces around until they are all surrounding baby Jesus while singing Away in a Manger out loud to himself.

And I'm treasuring all these things up and pondering them in my heart.

Christmas Thoughts

2011-12-19T17:40:00.000+02:00

She wasn't married. But she was pregnant.

In her time, in her society, pregnancy outside of marriage was not acceptable. It caused more than curious glances and shoulder shrugs by passersby.

It was a crime punishable by death.

And yet this was the way He chose to reach out to humanity.

~~~~~~~~~~

He was a hard worker. A faithful man, and yet it appeared his betrothed had not been.

His dreams for a future and a family, crushed beneath the weight of an unexpected baby.

But a Rescuer, expected and anticipated by all of fallen creation.

~~~~~~~~~~

As beautiful and serene as we try to paint the Nativity, it wasn't. There was sweat and blood pooling around Mary as she pushed her Savior into the world. He didn't land in a confident midwife's arms, but in the outstretched, calloused hands of plain, hardworking Joseph-- the only one there to catch the baby, who would one day stretch out His own arms to save broken humanity.

~~~~~~~~~~

God didn't send the angelic choir to give the news to the most important people of the day-- most of us would have invited the governor, the senators, the city councilmen, the temple priests, the doctors and lawyers-- instead He chose to tell a rag tag group of shepherds. Men without beauty or wealth or fame. The most ordinary of ordinary.

And He sends us a message with His message-- there is no one lowly or unworthy for this baby Savior... Come see! Come believe! Come be saved! Come all! Come seek the baby Savior!

~~~~~~~~~~

A King for all mankind, not robed in purple, but swaddled in plain cloth.

A Savior for the people, not hailed by the masses, but adored by dirty shepherds in a dingy stable.

It's a story riddled with scandal. If we hadn't have heard it so many times before, it might surprise us-- the way God chose to wrap Himself in flesh and present Himself to the world.

But as we gaze upon the baby in a wooden manger bed, and see through His story, to the hard wood of His cross etching its marks forever upon His body of flesh, we can rejoice and with the angels sing

Joy to the World the Lord has come!Let earth receive her king!Let every heart prepare Him room!

Coats, Coats, Coats

2011-12-18T15:55:00.001+02:00

Things in life don't ever seem to turn out as well as I imagine them. In spite of a yucky rainy day, we loaded the kids up and went to the bazaar in search of coats.

Of course everything had already gone wrong this morning-- baby with a fever, kids fighting, parents speaking unkind words to each other. Ain't that always the way it goes when you're trying to be a "good Christian" and do something like buy 14 coats to send to poor children who live in a cold, snowy, devastated place? That's how it seems to go for us anyway...

I think Hubby's face says it all here. But doesn't he look like St. Nick with his big bag o' coats?

We got 14 coats. We actually ended up having more than $100 to spend on coats. When I blogged yesterday, two people wanted me to buy a couple of coats from them to add in, so the blessing multiplies. God is good.

(I totally realize the picture of the coats is oriented wrong, and usually I would so care, but I just don't today. If you've ever dragged three kids- one sick- to the outdoor bazaar in the rain after a horrible night's sleep, you understand. Ahem.)

In spite of the rain and the bad moods, we shared some sweet conversation with the kids about why we were buying so many coats and where they were going to go.

Ladybug promptly burst into tears and said, "I don't want to go to Van!" I think she thought we were cancelling our trip to America for Christmas and heading to Van to deliver the coats instead. After that misunderstanding was cleared up, she was very happy to help get the coats.

And I may still be a little disappointed that I didn't win an iPad... but how can I be anything but joyful that he will have a coat this week?

I Won Today

2011-12-17T21:07:00.001+02:00

I won a blog giveaway today.

I won $100 cash to give away to someone else from Nancy Ray Photography. Isn't that awesome and christmas-y and fun??????

It would be if I wasn't such a wretched, sinful being.

You see, the original giveaway was for an iPad2 PLUS $100 cash to give away to someone in need. All you had to do to enter was leave a comment saying what you would do with the $100 if you won. Cool, huh?

Note: Honestly I would never pay for an iPad. I have an iPod touch (although the screen is busted) and an iPad just seems like a toy to me... a toy I could never justify paying that much money for. But to win one for free from a blog giveaway? Cool. I'm down. Hubby said that if I won (a long shot at best!) we could sell the iPad and put the money into our adoption fund. So I entered- hey everyone else online was doing it.

I mentioned here that Hubby was doing disaster relief work a couple weeks ago. He was helping to build shelters for families who have been displaced by a major earthquake in Van, Turkey. As he told me about how cold he was (wearing three layers of bottoms and four or more layers of tops... edit: Hubby just told me he was wearing SIX layers on top!), and sent me pictures like this...

...my heart was saddened. These kids don't have any coats on! (And it had started snowing while Hubby was there! It's cold y'all!) As a mama, my heart aches when I see children in need around the world. Children going without the things- like coats- that my children (AND ME!) take for granted every single day.

So on the iPad giveaway blog, that's what popped into my head! I would take the $100, buy as many kid-sized coats as I could, and I would cargo them to one of the men Hubby met while working in Van. It sounded like so much fun as I thought about it... Of course it would be a family affair to take the kids out, bargain for the coats to be cheaper (I love living overseas!), talk to the Bugs about how wealthy we are compared to the rest of the world, and how awesome it is to be able to give to others... yada yada yada.

(I don't mean yada yada yada like this isn't important. This is very important.)

The problem is that I have a wicked heart and tonight I glimpsed again just how wicked.

My friend called me to tell me I had won a giveaway on Nancy Ray's blog. NO WAY! I exclaimed and laughed as I pictured myself checking Facebook on my brand new iPad. Visions of the kids and me cuddled up watching Mickey Mouse episodes together on the shiny iPad screen danced in my head.

She went on to explain that it wasn't the iPad I had won, but a generous anon had given an extra $100 to be given away and I had been chosen to give that $100 away.

SAY WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?

Inside, my mini-me sinner started stomping her feet. No iPad? Her lips pursued into a pouty grimace. No new toy for me? Her sense of entitlement screamed-- only $100 to give away? But what about ME? What do I get?

I am ashamed to tell you about all this. It's hard to realize (yet again) that I am a sinner, and to be transparent with others is even harder. But I can't just let you read my comment on Nancy Ray's blog and think-- oh what a great little Christian girl! She's so happy to buy coats for those poor children and bless them this Christmas! Her first thought is probably simply for others as she spends her life working overseas.

Because that ain't how it went down y'all. But I'm happy to report that with the help of the Holy Spirit, I was able to recognize my thoughts and attitude as sin, and ask God to forgive me. I was being selfish, petty, self-centered, entitled, jealous, and I was coveting a stupid iPad. And tomorrow morning, we will bundle our three little Bugs up in their coats, we will head over to the local bazaar and I will bargain my heart out to get as many coats as I possibly can with that $100. And we will talk to them about needs and wants and how important it is to care for the poor and the helpless and the widow and the orphan. And I'm pretty sure as we walk home with all our coats in hand to box up and send, I'll realize what a precious gift this experience has been to me.

So anonymous donor, whoever you are, thank you. Thank you of course, for making it possible for some kids in Van in the snow to have new warm coats.

But thank you from me too. If you hadn't given that money for the extra giveaway, I would not have had the chance to see my sinfulness in this way, and be forgiven. I maybe would not have seen so clearly this Christmas how selfish and petty my heart (still) is. And I wouldn't have had the opportunity to step outside of my self, my family, my Christmas, my life for a few minutes and experience the awesome joy of doing something generous for someone else. And I might not have had the chance to have those important conversations with my kids. So from the bottom of my heart, Thank You and Merry Christmas!

(I will hopefully have a chance to blog this week about buying the coats and mailing them off...)

A small Gripe about Motherhood

2011-12-07T10:53:00.000+02:00

Green Army Men.

They are everywhere. Ev.er.y.where. in this house.

It's like they lie in wait to ambush me and then jump under my feet when I'm walking around only wearing socks. And then I want to cuss because those little guns sticking up hurt! But all I can think about is that scene from Toy Story when the green army guy gets stepped on and he's injured and I kinda feel bad for the little guy I stepped on...

What is up with that?!

Contentment

2011-12-05T10:33:00.001+02:00

One of my favorite parts of Christmastime in a Muslim part of the world where there is no Christmas, is how simple and un-materialistic Christmas can be. I can enjoy Advent and the simple joys of Christmas music, my favorite Christmas books, Christmas movies without feeling pressure to list and shop and invite and send and bake and fret.

I can go to the mall and it's just like any other time of the year- no CHRISTMAS-SALE! ONLY -- MORE DAYS TO SHOP! signs to draw me in promising to fill my shopping bags and empty my wallet simply because it's that time of the year.

My senses are not overloaded with the unnecessary. No one over here has an elf on the shelf. No one is mailing Christmas cards or lamenting the "costs" of the season.

(Of course, it's sad that on Christmas Day when our living room is abuzz with the account of Luke 2 and wrapping paper piles up as little ones squeal over new toys, everyone else is going about their daily business. And I miss seeing lights on houses, and being invited to Christmas parties, and eating every dessert on the table because hey, it's Christmas!)

Maybe you're finding yourself buried in lists of "stuff to do/get/buy before Christmas". Maybe you're dreading the credit card bills arriving next month because you have found yourself spending more that you should. Maybe the whole season seems riddled with selfishness and materialism to you... If that's you-- STOP AND EMBRACE THOSE FEELINGS. If something doesn't feel right, or you find yourself doing just because the culture around you is doing, stop!

As easy as it should be to keep my Christmas simple, I don't. I want to give my husband and my children awesome gifts. I want to outfit the house with more red and green and lights than is tasteful. I want to pick the best gifts for extended family and friends. I want to make the most delicious cookies and desserts. I always want to throw a party (or two)... Even with all the American hubbub of Christmas removed, I still want more! want bigger! want more expensive!

I was moved when I read this in Valley of Vision recently:

Heavenly Father, if I should suffer need, and go unclothed, and be in poverty, make my heart prize Thy love, know it, be constrained by it, though I be denied all blessings. It is Thy mercy to afflict and try me with wants, for by these trials I see my sins, and desire severance from them. Let me willingly accept misery, sorrows, temptations, if I can thereby feel sin as the greatest evil, and be delivered from it with gratitude to Thee, acknowledging this as the highest testimony of Thy love.

So many Christian families I know in America just seem to be going along with what our culture has said Christmas should be. We are letting the culture define a sacred time of celebration for us as believers! Friends, how can that be? Advent should be a joyful time of watching for his coming. Instead we've made it into a party for us- presents for us, desserts for us, parties for us, clothes for us, more than we need for us.

It's not easy to say no. I don't even live in America, but that didn't stop me from checking out Black Friday and Cyber Monday deals online. I keep checking and rechecking my gifts list and then buying something else because it doesn't seem like enough. I've had my tree up since before Thanksgiving, and I get a red Starbucks cup every time I'm at the mall.

Praise the Lord it is His mercy to afflict and try us with wants, so we can recognize our lusts, our selfishness, our pull towards culture as sin and desire severance from it!

Are you with me this Christmas? Can we stop when we feel those wants creeping up? Can we be still when our lust pleads with us for more? Can we praise God for afflicting us with wants this season, so we can ask forgiveness and be severed from those sins?

Random Schmattering: Single Parent Edition

2011-12-04T21:15:00.001+02:00

Caution: this post contains a lot of potty-talk. If poop and pee bother you, click away, quick!

Hubby is out for the week, helping with some disaster relief projects in another city. I am so proud of my husband, and I love his genuine desire to serve others, but y'all-- this single parenting thing is not for the faint of heart! Seriously. I don't think there's enough coffee in the entire world for this job solo.
On a related note: my children are sinners. Amen. (Of course, they get it from they mama...)
Tonight (a mere five hours after purchasing a Congrats-you're-really-potty-trained present for Stinkbug) he pooped in his underwear. And not a nice, clean poop either. Blame the single parenting gig, or my gag reflexes, or just plain laziness, but I threw the poopy underwear into a grocery bag, tired it off, and threw it away. (I've also been known to do the same for Tupperware I find in the fridge and just can't stomach tackling.) Don't judge.
Speaking of the potty... the other night I found Doodlebug playing in a toilet full of pee that his brother did not flush. I fished this toy out of the potty:

After I gagged and washed it thoroughly and then washed it again. I just had to laugh. Did you get it? "Piston"... and it was literally "pissed on". Hahahahahahahahaha. I need coffee.

Also speaking of the potty, I found this in Doodlebug's diaper the other day:

I'm not really sure how that happened. And I choose to believe that it somehow just got in his diaper without traveling the entire length of his digestive tract... it might take the cake for the weirdest item I've ever found in a diaper.

I am tired and ready for my husband to come home. And I can't wait to go out by myself once he's home and drink a coffee (or seven) and just exist in silence alone for awhile... but really, I do love my kids. Sometimes I happen upon a moment of sibling endearment and I just stop and wonder at the gift that is these three precious little souls in my care...

Of course, ten minutes later they're snatching and snitching and hanging on my legs crying while I cook dinner, and then refusing to eat the dinner I make because it's "yucky"... But really, I do love them. Really. (And what would my blog be without their antics????)

Mary, where'd you go?

2011-12-03T14:28:00.000+02:00

Notice anything unusual about our nativity?

We can't find Mary anywhere!

I'm sure Mary was a good mom, but she was human. She probably felt like running away sometimes.

That thought gives me comfort.

As much as a love my children, and would give my life for theirs without a second thought... I've brought all this baggage to motherhood with me. My sins, my shortcomings, my selfishness and it doesn't take much to bring those nasty, ugly parts of myself to the surface. Often, I find myself wanting to run away from it all.

Thankfully, there is a place I can always run.

In the presence of the Lord, I find compassion unending, mercies anew, and more grace than I deserve. He washes me clean from sin's blackness, and bandages my wounds with His healing words. He mends my aching heart and gives me courage to keep going.

Are you like our Mary today? Tired and ready to run away? Take heart and run to the One who wrapped Himself in flesh and came to be "God with us".

Things no Mom Wants to Hear:

2011-11-17T22:09:00.001+02:00

I just pooped in my underwear.
I had a bad dream, can I sleep in your bed? (any time between 12am and 6am)
Mom, are you mad at me? I just broke something.
Ew, I don't want to eat (insert name of food that Mommy spent an hour plus preparing for dinner)!
*cough cough cough* waaaaaaaaaa (only twenty minutes into nap-time)
Mommy, your tummy is really big.

This job doesn't pay enough...

(I've heard all of these in the past 48 hours...)

What would you add to the list of things moms don't want to hear?

WIWW

2011-11-16T13:36:00.003+02:00

My fashion thoughts for today...

This week I ran lots of birthday related errands... in my city, running errands literally means running errands on foot! So comfy footwear is key! If I have a day when I know I'll be walking a lot, I opt for comfy shoes. In winter that means my Danskos or my Keens (or if I'm off road, my heavy-duty Timberland boots). A lot of days this means my activities dictate my shoes which in turn dictate my outfit. On days when I'm just meeting a friend, or going to house church, I can afford to wear cuter, less practical shoes.

What factors dictate your clothing/shoe/accessory choices?

And can I say I love fall and winter fashion? Boots, scarves, jackets and a Starbucks cup to-go?

Yes please.

It's beginning...

2011-11-15T16:19:00.000+02:00

Oh yes, it is beginning...

Balloon Fail

2011-11-12T14:58:00.001+02:00

This morning was Stinkbug's birthday party. Before party time, I was sucking down coffee, setting up the table with favors, and dressing the kids. With only 45 minutes to shower and put up some decorations, Hubby told me to get in the shower and let him decorate. How nice of him, right?

This is what I got:

Looks fine at first glance, huh? Look again:

Ummmmm, what the heck kinda balloons are those?

And why in the world would Hubby choose those balloons to decorate for our three year old son and his friends?

So, as nice as it is when your husband offers to do something to help you (especially if the "something" is out of his usual forte: ie decorating for a birthday party), give him a kiss and tell him you appreciate him, and then check his work before all the impressionable young birthday guests arrive.

Lesson learned here.

Boys are (kind of) easy

2011-11-11T15:45:00.000+02:00

Tomorrow is a big day- we're celebrating a certain little bug's THIRD birthday with an all boy party.

When asked, he knew exactly what he wanted: to go to the zoo and see the snakes and the lemurs, eat hot dogs, play ball with his friends, and eat cupcakes. Easy. He doesn't even care what kind of cupcakes I make. Very easy.

Today I was browsing Christmas clothes on-line... the boys will be happy in plain red waffle T-shirts from Old Navy. Six bucks a piece and they can be dressed for the holiday. Done. (I spent three times longer looking for something for Ladybug... and it costs three times more.)

Boys can pee outside easily if they need to.

They are completely happy if you keep them fed and let them hold the remote.

Boys have significantly less clothing options and by default care much less about what is covering their bodies causing much less drama during the morning hours when mommy can't possibly drink enough coffee for drama to be acceptable.

They don't cry (much) when they get hurt. They'd rather get back up and play.

Picking presents for boys is easy- if it has wheels, shoots Nerf ammo or makes bodily noises, it's a winner.

So... potty training boys= harder. Everything else= easier.

What I Wore Wednesday & How I Came to my Fashion Senses (finally!)

2011-11-09T16:45:00.002+02:00

I used to think that a person's fashion-dom was marked on their genes- you either had it or you didn't.

And I was doomed.

In high school and college, I accepted my role of thrift-wearing, cheaply-accessorizing girl because everyone has to wear clothes, and if you're not fashionable by nature, it doesn't really matter what you put on.

As a teacher, I filled my closet with passable teacher clothes- dress pants and decent shirts (and I could only wear jeans on Fridays).

When I became a stay-at-home mom, sweatpants, jeans and T-shirts (with spit up on each shoulder, of course) became my uniform.

Only since I moved overseas two years ago have I found my own sense of style and the freedom to express it with confidence. I've come to see that fashion is in the eye of the beholder. I would never wear most of the trends that prance down the runway, but that doesn't mean I'm not "fashionable".

To browse around a store and pick out things that appeal to me, try them on and evaluate how they look on me, and then to piece together clothes and shoes and accessories that I like, that suit my lifestyle and my tastes, (and our budget)... that's fashion, baby!

I just hate it took me almost thirty years to realize this and to feel comfortable in my own ~~skin~~ clothes.

So without further ado, here's my first What I Wore Wednesday:

This is what I wore today to go out to lunch and walk through the outdoor bazaar with my family...and I like how I look!

Dress from Migros: $3.90

Scarf from little local shop: $2.79

Boots from a local boutique: $35

If you're a tired mommy, and you don't feel very trendy, much less "fashionable", take heart! If this girl could find her own sense of style and start to dress in ways that please me (and my husband) and feel good to me, you can too!

(And it doesn't have to cost a lot either!)

Find more WIWW at The Pleated Poppy!

Random Schmattering: Tired Mommy Edition

2011-11-02T19:44:00.000+02:00

Um, life these days... Being sick. Disciplining kids. Enjoying hot drinks for fall. Wearing jackets. Doing laundry. Cooking soup, chili, and beans. Cleaning up barf. Crying over life. Laughing with loved ones. Arguing about little things. Giving tylenol to kiddos for fevers. Reading, praying, and seeking the Lord. Planning a Halloween party. Dressing up my kids. Wondering why people are the way they are. Falling into bed exhausted from it all. Getting up the next day to do it again.
It's 7:25pm and my kids have all been in bed for 15 minutes. Amen.
The kids dressed up for a Halloween party we had on Sunday:

Have I ever expounded upon the insanity that is trying to get three small kids to look and smile at a camera at the same time? No? Well, INSANITY. Except look-y what I happened to get two weeks ago:

It only took a bribe of three lollipops, 2GB of memory, and a very quick shutter finger.

::footsteps::

2011-10-30T21:04:00.002+02:00

My One Year Old Boys

2011-10-09T08:38:00.001+03:00

Top: Stinkbug on his first birthday

Bottom: Doodlebug on his first birthday

All Three Baby Bug Names

2011-10-08T11:25:00.000+03:00

I have loved every second of picking names for my Bugs. When I saw Amy's post about Naming Babies, it made me want to share about our name choices for Ladybug and Stinkbug last year as we waited for Doodlebug to arrive. I have redone this post to include our sweet third baby!

Olivia Grace

(Olive tree, Unmerited favor)

But I am like a green olive tree
in the house of God.
I trust in the steadfast love of God
forever and ever. (Psalm 52:8)

When I was newly pregnant, I was reading verses and passages in Scripture about the blessing of children. I read Psalm 128, which states that children will be like "olive plants" around the table. That verse cross referenced Psalm 52:8 in my Bible, and I fell in love with the name Olivia, since it meant "olive tree". What a perfect verse for my daughter-- I desire that she would be content to dwell in the Lord's presence, and I pray that she will always trust in His steadfast love.

Olivia being four syllables meant (for me) that we needed a succinct middle name, so her name would just flow. (OK, so I'm a little nuts-o about the sound of names!) I think Grace is a beautiful name, and even more beautiful is the meaning that "grace" or "unmerited favor" holds for me and Hubby. God has given us so much grace in our years on this earth, Olivia's middle name is a tribute to His graciousness.

Hudson Isaiah

(Bright in mind and spirit, Salvation is from the Lord)

Whom have I in heaven but you?
And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. (Psalm 73:25-26)

When Hubby and I were in college, we spent a summer working with students in China. In preparation for the trip we read Hudson Taylor's biography. We were both impressed with the man Hudson Taylor was and once we were married and pregnant, decided we liked Hudson as a boy's name. The passage above from Psalm 73 epitomized to us not only how Hudson Taylor lived his time here on earth, but how we desire our son to live-- desiring Christ above all else. So we chose it as Hudson's life verse. (The actual meaning of Hudson is "son of Hugh" or "son of the hooded man", and Hugh means "bright in mind and spirit", hence the meaning above.)

Isaiah is our favorite book of the Old Testament, and we liked how it sounded with Hudson as a middle name. When you add that Isaiah means "salvation is from the Lord", how could we not choose this name for our first son?

Jackson Luke

(Gracious gift of God; Light)

But as for me, the nearness of God is my good;
I have made the Lord GOD my refuge,
That I may tell of all Your works. (Psalm 73:28)

When we were choosing boy names, I had lists of names I liked and Hubby could not agree to any of them. Until I read "Jackson" and he said, "I like Jackson". It seemed like one of the few names we could agree on, and I liked both our boys' names ending with "son". I love that Jack means "gracious gift of God". I was pregnant and miscarried in January 2010... in March I was having health issues and before going to see the doctor took a pregnancy test just to be sure it wasn't that. Lo and behold it was positive! Jackson was God's gracious gift right after my miscarriage. I didn't even know about him until I was 10 weeks pregnant.

Luke is such a sweet boy's name, and we both love the Gospel of Luke. Jackson Luke truly is a light in our family and we are so glad to have him as part of us! His verse was chosen on his birthday as it was the only verse I could recall during his C-section. Just as the nearness of God was my good that day, I pray that Jackson would always seek to be near to the Lord.

One Last Bug Birth

2011-10-07T07:49:00.000+03:00

I posted Lady and Stink's birth stories last year, and in honor of Doodle's first birthday (OHMYWORDHOWISTHATPOSSIBLE?), here is the story of how Doodlebug arrived.

Since my first two kids were born by C-section, another C-section was scheduled for me for October 11, 2010 at 39 weeks. During Doodle's pregnancy, I just had this feeling that my water was going to break, and I was going to have an “early” baby, but I was trying not to get my hopes up about getting out of the last few weeks of ~~misery~~ pregnancy.

All day the Wednesday before my scheduled date, I felt crampy and experienced contractions. Nothing too major, but it was enough to make me wonder what was going on with my body. Having never gone into labor on my own, I wasn’t sure what to think. In the afternoon, the contractions stopped, and I figured it had all been another bout of Braxton Hicks.

That evening, Hubby and I were watching a movie and took a break to make some caramel popcorn. (Yum!) I went to the bathroom and noticed I was leaking a little, but honestly I thought I was suffering from a weak bladder—I have had three kids in just over three years! I mentioned it to Hubby, but told him I wasn’t concerned, and would just keep an eye on it. I didn’t notice anything else unusual that night, so we went to bed and I slept SO well! Seriously, when I opened my eyes and realized I had slept soundly for more than six hours, my thought was I am probably going to have a baby today and that will be my last good night’s sleep for awhile!

Thursday morning was pretty normal. Ladybug went to preschool, I fed Stinkbug and myself breakfast and got us both dressed and ready for the day. I started putting away and organizing the kids’ clothes since fall had arrived with cooler weather (Praise the Lord! Pregnancy during the summer is awful!)

At some point in the morning, I noticed the same wetness in my underwear, and debated back and forth about whether I should keep writing it off as nothing, or tell Hubby that he needed to come home so we could go to the doctor to have it checked out. (At the end of my pregnancy with Lady I thought I may be leaking amniotic fluid, so we went in and it ended up being nothing, so in the back of my mind I was thinking it would be nothing this time too.)

Around noon I got lunch ready for us, and about twenty until one, I started pulling out the stroller and getting ready to walk to Lady’s school to pick her up. All of the sudden, the stroller collapses when Stink tries to crawl up into it. I hear the clink of metal and a screw and a plastic piece are laying on the floor underneath the stroller. I have NO clue what happened, but my stroller is now useless and I have to pick my daughter up from preschool in twenty minutes. Lady’s school is a ten-ish minute walk from our house, and we have to cross a busy street. I wasn’t sure I could make it there and back with Stinkbug and Ladybug having to walk, so I panicked a little. I called Hubby and told him I was still leaking something and the stroller was broken and I wasn’t sure how I was going to get our daughter from school. (There were probably a few tears involved in this conversation.)

I knocked on a neighbor’s door to see if they would watch Stinkbug for a few minutes while I went to get Ladybug, but no one was home. I called my friend, Suz, who has a car, and explained what was going on and asked if she would come and get me and drive me to pick Ladybug up.

As I was hanging up the phone with Suz (we had walked outside at this point), I glanced up just in time to see Stinkbug, who had run ahead of me to the front gate, run through the front gate and towards the busy street in front of our building! My heart stopped beating and I screamed Stinkbug’s name. Thankfully, we have worked hard to train our kids to obey right away and he turned around and came right back to me. I scooped him up and started weeping. I have never felt like that in all my life. I absolutely, totally, completely lost it. I felt so emotional and out-of-control of every aspect of my life at that moment. I remember thinking Watch me have a baby today when everything feels so out of my control…

Suz came and took us to Lady’s school and I asked her to call my doctor for me to explain what was happening since her language is better than mine (who am I kidding, at this point in my day, I could hardly speak English, forget trying to explain something in the local language). The receptionist told her that I should come on in, so Hubby came home from class, we laid the kids down for a nap (Suz graciously agreed to sit at the house with the kids) and headed to the doctor’s office. I told Suz as we were leaving that we would probably be right back because it was nothing, and I thought it was silly that Hubby wanted to put our hospital bags in the car with us.

At the doctor’s office, they collected and tested the fluid, and declared it was amniotic fluid. A quick ultrasound showed that my water had broken and fluid was missing from around Doodlebug. My doctor patted my hand and said, “Your baby is coming today.” I felt out-of-control again. I hadn’t finished putting the kids’ fall clothes away and they were in a pile on the floor. I hadn’t prepared anything for dinner for the kids. I didn’t even hug and kiss them extra hard when we left. I wasn’t prepared to have a baby today!

The doctor told us to meet him at the hospital, so off we went. Once there Hubby disappeared to fill out some forms and pay, and I was taken to a room where the poking and prodding and questioning began. Except they were asking me questions in the local language. And my brain was not recalling very much of the local language. I had been told there were English speakers working a the hospital—if there were, they stayed out of sight.

One of the nurses wanted to know my height in meters, and I told her I didn’t know it in meters and all the nurses in the room exchanged a look and a giggle. I felt very vulnerable and alone. Luckily Hubby appeared in the room with me pretty quickly.

We asked about Hubs coming into the OR with me and were told no. I started crying (really I couldn’t help it at this point, my emotions were so up and down from the whole day’s events!) and I think the nurses had some pity on me when they saw my tears, and started treating me a little more gently.

I was changed and put onto a bed and kissed by Hubby and wheeled to the elevator and taken downstairs to the OR. The OR had a funny smell, and one guy working in there had an even funnier smell. He was supposed to hold me still while they inserted the epidural and it was not pleasant.

The only verses that I could conjure to mind were part of Psalm 23 (I had just read it a few days prior) and Psalm 73:28 The nearness of God is my good. I kept repeating those verses to myself and pleaded with the Lord to remind me of His presence.

I felt very out-of-control of everything around me (are you sensing a trend in my day?!) and as they had me lie on my back I was having trouble getting a good, deep breath. Someone noticed, and they slipped an oxygen mask on me. As I started breathing freely, a sense of peace washed over me. It was like God whispered in my ear I’m here, My nearness is your good. Don’t worry, child.

At some point a sweet nurse who knew a little English started whispering to me about what was happening… Her name was Meleck, which means “angel” in the local language—how true her name was! I felt such a comfort from hearing her voice and reassuring words. After Doodlebug was born she even brought him right over to me and shooed the other nurses away saying, “His mother needs to be the first to kiss him.”

Doodlebug was born at 4:43pm on October 7, 2010. He weighed 8 pounds 3 ounces and 19 2/3 inches long.

Really everything felt OK after the oxygen was flowing to me from the mask and God’s presence felt so real and near.

Doodlebug was wheeled upstairs to his daddy who was waiting in my room. The doctors finished working on me and I was wheeled back upstairs too.

Doodlebug’s birthday was a true test in relying on the Lord’s strength and not my own, or my husband’s. I had no control over most of the things that went on that day, and I had to face the C-section without Hubs (or anyone I even knew for that matter) by my side. God proved Himself faithful, however, and was beside me the entire day.

I am so thankful for the experience of having Doodlebug overseas. It was scary and overwhelming at points, but the Lord was so kind and gracious to me through it all.

Happy 1st Birthday, sweet Doodlebug!

Breastfeeding Momfessions

2011-10-06T08:32:00.004+03:00

If I were being honest, I would tell you breastfeeding is not my favorite part of motherhood. In fact, I have told several people that. I was determined to nurse Ladybug, and it was very hard and very painful in the beginning. I would watch the clock, dreading the moment she would wake and need to nurse again, and I cried through each feeding. I reduced my "goal" from six months to one month, and decided if I was still struggling at the one month mark, I would give it up. The Lord was gracious to heal us by one month, and I was able to continue to nurse Ladybug.

I appreciate being able to nurse Ladybug more now than I did at the time. Maybe a painful, rocky beginning colored my view of breastfeeding. Maybe it was the cultural attitudes about breastfeeding that affected how I felt about nursing. Maybe it was all the mixed messages I was receiving about nursing and sleep training and all those conflicting things that new moms hear from doctors, books, well-meaning friends, parents, etc. (Everyone else seems to think they know how you should care for your infant!)

I was pregnant again when Ladybug was eight months old, and I decided to wean so the new little bug could have all the nourishment he needed from me. So we weaned. And Ladybug was such a content li'l bugger, she never looked back.

Stinkbug was a distracted nursling. On off, on off, look around, stress mommy out. It didn't help that during my seven months of breastfeeding Stinkbug, we packed and sold all of our earthly belongings to move overseas. I was on emotional overload and having such a distracted nursing baby was pushing me over the edge. After reaching my six month goal, it just became easier to give him a bottle, and by seven months, we were completely done.

I don't regret either of my first two nursing experiences. My goal was six months for each, and both times I succeeded.

I have grown a lot as a mom since 2007 when I held my first brand new baby and tried to get her to nurse. When Doodlebug was placed in my arms in 2010, I knew what to do.

But more than mechanics, I had come to appreciate breastfeeding as more than just a meal for my baby.

As a stressed out first time mom, the clock ruled my world. I had read some questionable "infant training" materials and I didn't trust myself because the books didn't seem to trust that I would know what to do.

I wanted baby to nurse for X amount of minutes at designated intervals and sleep all night. Period. Those things equaled success in my mind. I felt guilty and anxious if those things weren't happening exactly as the books prescribed.

And then Doodlebug arrived on the Momfessions scene.

I have really enjoyed my nursing relationship with Doodlebug. Doodlebug loves drinking his milk, and I have loved giving it to him. I feel so proud of the fact that I have provided him with milk for the past 364 days.

Today I asked him if he wanted some milkie and he cruised over to me smiling, and pulled at my shirt.

Maybe it has something to do with the fact that Doodle is our last (planned) biological baby that has caused me to enjoy nursing him so much. Maybe it's being a third-time mom that has made me relax and just nurse him without worry, without anxiety. Whatever it is, I am so thankful for this breastfeeding journey with Doodlebug.

My goal with Doodlebug was a year and tomorrow, I will have made my goal of one year. And I'm pretty proud of it. I feel like it's been a hard and rewarding journey and it has changed me so much-- just like every other aspect of parenting!

image credit

Wordless Wednesday: An Apple a Day

2011-10-05T15:00:00.001+03:00

Coughing...and coughing... and moms don't get sick days

2011-09-16T21:45:00.000+03:00

You know that terrible, horrible, no good, very bad thing about being sick when you are so.tired.you.just.need.to.lie.down. And like a good girl who obeys her body, so she can get better quickly, you lie down at 8:12pm, right after the kids?

And then this annoying tickle starts in your throat.

And causes you to spend the entire night ~~coughing~~ hacking up a lung instead of sleeping. And no drink, cough drop, or other trick mama taught you helps the (evil) tickle go away?

And the next night you're so frustrated 'cause you know it's gonna happen again, so instead of going to bed you decide to blog about it?

Oh, you don't know what I'm talking about? Hmmm. Maybe it's just me.

The Beginning: Part 3

2011-09-12T10:06:00.002+03:00

The Beginning: Part 1

The Beginning: Part 2

The next step for us was to seek counsel from godly people in our lives. We asked many people who know us to affirm this call on our family, to speak about any concerns they had/have, and to share godly wisdom and advice they may have about adoption with us.

And we continued to pray.

This season ended up taking six months which we know is simply a glimpse of the rest of the process. The theme of international adoption seems to be: Hurry up and wait!

We reached the six month point of waiting and praying on August 4, 2011, and felt like the Lord was giving us freedom to move ahead into researching specific country programs and adoption agencies, and gathering paperwork for our homestudy. We don't know much more than that right now. It feels like every time one question gets answered about adoption for our family, two more pop up in its place!

I can tell that this adoption process going to stretch me (as a fairly impatient person!) and as much as I dread playing the waiting game, I am confident that the Lord knows our adoption process. He isn't sitting here beside me looking into a dark, foggy future, He sees the end! He sees past the tears that will be shed, the sleepless nights that will be spent, the prayers that will be uttered, the anxiousness that will be experienced, the elation that will be felt, the discouragements that will rise, the Scriptures that will be quoted... He sees Lovebug home. And even special-er in my mommy heart, He sees Lovebug now. (Wherever in the world that is!)

So, of course our story is "to be continued"... but for now, you're mostly caught up. We've barely dipped our toes into the middle of the story... so we wait as anxiously as you to see the next part unfold in God's timing.

The Beginning: Part 2

2011-09-11T09:50:00.005+03:00

The Beginning: Part 1

I was ready to adopt, Hubby was ready to adopt. It was time to let our families know.

Living overseas puts us in a weird predicament when breaking news to people we love. Do we call? Skype? Email? Snail Mail? Facebook? Tweet it? Blog it?

We decided to compose a letter letting our families know of our plans...and emailed it out.

February 5, 2011

Mom & Dad,

We wanted to share some news with you, and to save you from dropping dead from a heart attack on Skype, we thought we’d send you some warning first!

We are starting the process to adopt a little girl. Adoption has been on Sheila’s heart for a long time, and yesterday Andrew took a day away to seek the Lord specifically in the area of adoption for our family and we are now ready to proceed (though we are prepared for the process to take 1-2 years).

Here are some reasons why we are choosing to adopt:

So we can better understand our own adoption into God’s family.
To show that our family is undeniably pro-life by rescuing a life that was born and not aborted.
So that we can give God the glory when He provides the resources needed for the adoption of a little girl.
To bring a life into our home to share everything with, especially the Gospel of Jesus. To raise another child to be a lover of God and a disciple of Christ.
To save a little girl who would otherwise live a life of poverty. To give her a home, a hope, a future, a family.
To set an example (for God’s glory) to other believers that caring for the orphan and the widow is true, undefiled religion and is necessary for followers of Christ.
To open up spiritual conversations with unbelievers about why we choose/chose to adopt.

You have loving supported us in everything we have ever done, even when it was hard and costly for you, and for that we are so grateful. We hope you will be our biggest cheerleaders through the adoption process, and that you will pray for and love our daughter just as you have Ladybug, Stinkbug and Doodlebug.

We love you! Call us today!

Big news always seems a little more official after you tell someone. And our families are great big news-getters! They have exclaimed and laughed with joy after each pregnancy announcement, and the adoption announcement was no different!

Truly, I don't think there exists parents who more dearly love, support, and encourage their children than ours. They are straight from God and an absolute joy to call Mom and Dad (and Mom and Dad!)

So, now someone else knew. It was time to take the next step.

To be continued...

The Beginning: Part 1

2011-09-10T21:49:00.000+03:00

I've always wanted to adopt a child (or children). I distinctly remember telling my parents that I did not want to have biological children, so I hoped they would love the rainbow of children I would add to our family. (For the record, I was probably less than 15 years old when I declared that.) Hubby says he always kinda figured we would adopt in the future, but that always seemed like a ways away.

At the beginning of 2011, the serious talk about adoption began. Doodlebug was here, and he was/is our last (planned) biological baby, so adoption naturally surfaced in conversation. Was this really something we wanted to do? More importantly, was this really something God was calling our family to do?

There are plenty of things to think and pray through before one makes any kind of serious decision... and the thinking and praying had started for us.

Though we believe all Christians are called to care for the widow and the orphan, is God calling our family to adopt right now? (There are many facets here: is He calling us to adopt as a way to care for? is He calling us to adopt right now?)
Lady, Stink and Doodle are pretty close in age, so we knew if we were going to adopt a little girl to complete our family, we didn't want a huge age gap between her and our other children.
The adoption process for some places around the world can take 2-5 years! (And man, I thought 40 weeks was a long time to wait for a new member of the family!)
This is a permanent decision. If we pursue adoption and bring a baby/child home, it's the same as getting pregnant and bringing a baby home- it's forever.
Are we spiritually/emotionally/physically ready to enter into a possibly emotional/tumultuous/uncertain/ever-changing adoption process?
What are the implications for adopting internationally while living abroad? How do we find an agency to work with?

So, Hubby and I spent time talking, thinking, praying, searching, wondering, dreaming, explaining, praying again... and on February 4, 2011, he told me he felt like God was indeed calling our family to adopt a little girl. Our Lovebug.

To be continued...

11 months old!

2011-09-07T10:26:00.002+03:00

I will not even comment on the fact that this is absurd.

I won't type one word about how unbelievably fast time is going.

Nope, I will not talk about it.

Our Family Through the Years

2011-08-24T13:51:00.001+03:00

Do you ever look back in time? It goes so quickly, sometimes all we have to remember these things really happened is a simple print. Or a tucked away digital file. Of moments captured. Of my family growing.

I wonder what our future family snapshots will look like?

Rewind: Memo from a Former Public School Teacher

2011-08-23T10:18:00.002+03:00

I originally posted this in August 2008, and since it's Back to School time, I thought I would re-post some of my tips for parents sending their children to school. Before Ladybug was born, I taught second grade, so I'm not just typing fluff here, people! I (kinda) know what I'm talking about! (Sometimes.)
1. Just stick with the supplies on the list. (The teacher made a list for a reason.) Really your daughter doesn't need the glitter pens. And the teacher will be much happier without having to wipe glitter junk off your daughter's desk every day.

2. Feel free to ask (anytime or all the time) if there are things you can send in to help in the classroom. Often supplies like hand sanitizer, wax paper, new crayons, glue sticks, Kleenex are NOT provided for teachers by schools (I know, gasp!) and a lot of times teachers end up replacing them out of their own pockets. (States do not under any circumstances pay teachers enough for this!) In fact, skip the asking if you want and whenever you see something on sale at Wal-mart you think a teacher could use, buy it and send it in.

3. Don't call during the school day. Chances are it's not a good time. Think this one through-- if I'm on the phone with you about so-and-so and such-and-such, who do you think is watching/teaching yourkid?! Think before you call.

4. Give your child the benefit of a home routine. They should be in bed at a decent hour, they should have breakfast before coming to school-- and have them pack their book bag each night, so homework and other important things aren't "forgotten" in the morning. If you help them build these habits, your life will be easier as they perform their night/morning rituals by themselves eventually!

5. Let your child be responsible for their own things. If they leave homework or something important at school, even though it might break your heart to not turn around and get it, it will help them so much in the long run to learn this lesson early! (Unbeknownest to your child, call and let the teacher know that you know that it got left, but you're working on a lesson in responsibility-- the teacher will understand!)

6. Know what's going on in your child's school day. They would probably love to tell you, have you ever asked?

7. Keep in mind that family secrets have a way of coming out at school-- one time I had a seven year old student saying words that would need symbols for me to convey... the mom's response? I have no idea where he would have heard that! Hmmm, you keep telling yourself that, lady!

8. Think about what your child is wearing before they go to school. In most elementary classes, students will sit on the floor during some part of the day-- skirts aren't very easy to sit in properly on the floor. Most schools have PE or outside play time each day-- do you really want your daughter hanging upside down on the monkey bars in her Sunday best? Think about the slogans your son's T-shirt advertise too. If you buy him shirts that say BAD ATTITUDE in bright orange, do you really have a right to complain when he's disrespectful and rude to you (or to his teacher?)

9. The teacher is just as worried about what you think of her as you are about her opinion of you!Realize s/he is human. Yes, s/he has a degree in education, but she probably watches Dancing with the Stars too, be human with her!

10. Give the teacher a break. One of the most heartbreaking trends I've seen in education lately is the way parents will jump all over a teacher because "My child said..." This poor teacher is under-paid to handle a group of twenty (or more) kids. She ends up taking work home because there's not enough time in the day, she scarfs down lunch in fifteen minutes and tries to make her students eat the veggies the cafeteria has served. She is constantly watching your student (and nineteen others) to see how they learn and what they're having trouble with. She often does janitorial duty when a kid barfs in her room, and band-aids more boo boos than you could imagine. She has to keep clear, concise records of every kid in every subject along with portfolios, a grade book, and probably turns lesson plans in to her superior regularly. She is the disciplinarian of the class, trying to elicit good behavior long enough to teach the kids something new. While teaching she has to keep in mind that Jane has a learning disability and Suzie is labeled "Academically and Intellectually Gifted" and must have an extra challenge. She tries to see everything happening around her at every moment, but it's just not possible. Please give her the benefit of the doubt. She is not picking on your child if he comes home in trouble. Are you really going to take the side of a seven year old (who has told you a few lies in his day) over a respectable, hard-working, qualified professional?

Something New/Some News

2011-08-22T22:24:00.000+03:00

It is with a heart full of joy and anticipation that we announce...

We are expecting a new addition!

The Lord has been working in our hearts for awhile now, and we feel called to begin the process to adopt a little girl into our family. I can't wait to share this journey with you...

We don't know many definite details now about where/when/with whom... we've been in a season of praying, seeking godly counsel, researching options, and waiting on the Lord. Stay turned for news and updates as we journey to bring our daughter, Lovebug, home!

⁴But when the fullness of time had come,

God sent forth his Son, born of woman,

born under the law, ⁵ to redeem those

who were under the law, so that

we might receive adoption as sons.

⁶And because you are sons,

God has sent the Spirit of his Son

into our hearts, crying, "Abba! Father!"

⁷So you are no longer a slave,

but a son, and if a son, then an heir

through God. (Galatians 4)

Things I Didn't Know Before I Was a Mom

2011-08-19T16:00:00.001+03:00

Man may not be able to live on bread alone, but moms can totally survive on coffee and leftover mac-n-cheese.
What was found in baby's diaper is completely acceptable dinner conversation between spouses. (I saw party confetti in Ladybug's diaper one time...)
Bribes are not only OK but necessary to keep the peace sometimes. If you smile for this picture, Mommy will give you a big lollipop!
Moms spend way more time coordinating and picking out baby's wardrobe than their own. (Maybe this has something to do with the fact that whatever I choose to wear will end up pooped on, peed on, spit up on, or otherwise dirtied?! Apparently to some small people I look like a human napkin.
Time alone is priceless. Even half an hour alone in the bathroom to read a magazine or take a shower (and shave!) can turn an awful day into a decent one.
Accessories are not for beauty, but for baby to have play things when they get bored in public. Same thing with keys and cell phones.
A baby making a HUGE mess with spaghetti sauce all over the floor, high chair, face, hair, bib, clothes, diaper, feet, and table is adorable and will take up about 2GB on a camera's memory card.
Grandparents: can't live with them, can't live without them. They are in a class all by themselves.
A mom's life is not her own. Traveling to ballet class, doing preschool activities, helping with homework, nursing the baby, disciplining disobedience, making snacks, fixing dinner, washing clothes, finding missing shoes, packing backpacks, making lunches, taking pictures, seizing teachable moments, emailing grandparents, bathing babies, laying out clothes, vacuuming floors, wiping noses, changing diapers, answering why? 27,857 times a day, pushing swings, playing pee-a-boo, reading books...
There is no job more emptying and yet more fulfilling than being a mom. These days, every little moment is so precious.

My Little Monkeys

2011-08-18T09:31:00.004+03:00

Two little monkeys...

...sitting in a tree...

... and one little monkey...

in the Ergo on me!

Wordless Wednesday: Swing Swing

2011-08-17T16:43:00.000+03:00

Find more Wordless Wednesday at 5minutesformom.

Random Schmattering: Doodlebug Edition

2011-08-16T14:54:00.000+03:00

I think Doodlebug has Go Go Gadget Arms. For real. I will put something (glass bowl, utensils, tortillas, ketchup bottle, drinks, etc) on the table purposefully making sure it's OUT OF HIS REACH and by the time I've turned back around, he's got it in hand. I need to find a way to make money off this kid- he's got super powers...
Like not sleeping all night. Can that be considered a super power? It's like an evil kind of super power- zapping the life and energy from your parents, so you can control their minds. I'm thinking I need to find his kryptonite. Any ideas?
I've found the perfect babysitter for Doodlebug: the vacuum. I kid you not. When I need 15 minutes (or more!) to get stuff done, I pull out the vacuum and let him go to town. He pushes it all over the floor, stands beside it, pulls the hose around... It's magical for mommy.

It's hard to believe we'll be celebrating Doodlebug's birthday in less than two months. Holy cow! Where does the time go? I thought Ladybug and Stinkbug flew through infant-hood, but there isn't a word to describe how quickly Doodlebug is becoming a little boy.
Do you think Doodle looks like Lady or Stink?!

Doodlebug at 10 months old (August 2011)

Stinkbug at 10 months old (September 2009)

Ladybug at 10 months old (April 2008)

How to Wear Your Kids Out Before Naptime

2011-08-09T20:56:00.000+03:00

I always knew there was a reason I was leaving the clean clothes in a ~~mountain~~ ~~heap~~ neat, orderly pile for days at a time without folding them. It comes in handy sometimes. Ahem.

The shirt says it all:

2011-08-04T15:18:00.000+03:00

Sharing Gone Wrong

2011-07-29T16:48:00.000+03:00

Today, I came across this funny sequence of ~~Ladybug and Stinkbug sharing a banana~~ baby Stinkbug man-handling his sister to take her banana...

I hope it makes you laugh like I did. Everyone should laugh on Fridays.

...a brother is born for adversity.

{Proverbs 17:17b)

More poop than you would ever care to read about.

2011-07-18T15:03:00.000+03:00

Someone found my blog this weekend by Googling “kid pooping underwear”. I’m sorry that they probably didn’t find any helpful information here because MY KID IS STILL POOPING IN HIS UNDERWEAR.

Really. I am not sure how this is supposed to go. With Ladybug it was easy- she had the promise of a shiny, new toy, and she started pooping and peeing in the potty. Easy. Done. Potty-trained.

Not so with Stinkbug. One day he poops on the floor right in front of the potty. Then he poops in his underwear. Then he poops in his diaper and finishes in a new diaper. I already told you that poop ended up in the laundry which I am still having nightmares about. This morning I cleaned poop off the bottom of Ladybug's foot which sent me on a hunt to find poop on the couch and on the floor in the living room. I am not sure if it was Stinkbug's or Doodlebug's poop, but it doesn't really matter who pooped, what matters the most is that MY ~~CHILDREN~~ SONS ARE IN A POOP CONSPIRACY AGAINST ME.

I thought I would reason with the potty-training child:

Me: Stinkbug, does it feel good to poop in your underwear?

SB: Yes. (and he continues playing)

So, no dice on the reasoning.

I made a cool new sticker chart to encourage pooping in the potty, so he could earn a toy. Nope.

I have tried to bribe with candy, even upping the ante to two lollipops if he will just poop in the dang potty. No luck yet.

I can't say I'm surprised. Stinkbug has always been a pooper--as evidenced here by a blowout which resulted in a bathtub full of poopy water and pajamas thrown in the trash:

I'm sure one day as I fret about curfews and driver's licenses and girlfriends and colleges, I'll miss these days of fretting about poop. And that thought makes me smile... and almost makes me feel grateful for these poopy days.

A Boy and his Train

2011-07-16T13:23:00.006+03:00

Random Schmattering

2011-07-15T22:12:00.000+03:00

When to a kid's birthday party with Ladybug this afternoon and I am happy to report that The Chicken Dance is international. Whew. (I know you are relieved.)
It figures that the night you decide to "sleep train" your baby (for the record, we are NOT using any cry it out type of method...), he will start running a pretty high fever. I guess maybe the better point to make would be: life does not go as we plan it to. (Not since kids, anyway.)
There really is nothing more disgusting than realizing you washed a load of laundry with a piece of poop. There really is nothing more to expound upon here.
A sweet, sweet friend sent me this Desiring God article today. Can I just say, "Yes and Amen."? Check it out here: Motherhood is a Calling
Happy Weekending! Would you rather have a weekend spent out doing really cool things with your family, or a weekend spent at home just relaxing with your family?

Wordless Wednesday

2011-07-13T20:51:00.000+03:00

Cartoons & Big Boy Undies

2011-07-12T16:56:00.000+03:00

Did you ever watch the cartoon, Recess? Hubby and I have been laughing this week because Stinkbug has been reminding us of the kindergarteners from that show:

Yes, those are big boy underwear.

Yes, we cleaned up poop off the floor this morning (someone isn't quite sure when to sit and when to stand...)

Yes, potty training the boy seems harder than the girl was.

Yes, having only one kid in diapers is AH-MAZING.

Fishin'

2011-07-08T15:21:00.000+03:00

Stinkbug: Boys catch a fish.

Me: Girls catch fish too.

Stinkbug: NO! Only boys catch a fish.

Me: What do the girls do?

Stinkbug: Watch us catch a fish.

June 29, 2007-present

2011-06-29T08:32:00.003+03:00

2007 (newborn)

2008 (1st birthday)

2009 (2nd birthday)

2010 (3rd birthday)

June 29,2011

I am amazed that I have a four year old. I tried to convince Ladybug to cancel her birthday and stay three a little while longer, but she informed me that we could not do that. Oh well.

Ladybug, I love you more than the number of questions you ask every day. I love you more than you love to eat ice cream. I love you deeper than the blue of your eyes. I love you bigger than your excitement for life. I love you. Happy Birthday.

Too Cute

2011-06-28T22:30:00.000+03:00

Me: Stinkbug, what's Grover doing under your shirt?

SB: Drinking mook*.

*Mook= Milk

Counting to 1,000

2011-06-27T22:14:00.000+03:00

50. the magic of summer- heating lifting after dinner making way for beautiful evening at park51. all three kids playing sweetly together52. soreness the day after exercise53. strawberries dipped in chocolate54. the privilege of praying for a friend55. frilly dress up clothes on a girl who thinks she's a princess56. sweet little ballerina girl in pink 57. precious boy waiting up for a goodnight kiss58. water59. feeling thinner and healthier60. waking up next to a smiling, snugly baby61. börek with potatoes and cheese for breakfast62. sunshiny days63. laughter echoing through the house64. a clean kitchen counter!65. dreams for the future66. strength to get out of bed in the morning67. Hubby playing with my hair68. kids with tousled bed-head (waking bright and early!)69. the weekend!70. lifting prayers together with brothers and sisters71. jokes between friends72. hearing "Mama"73. being adopted into God's family74. watching my parents talk to their grandchildren on Skype75. hungering for the Lord76. sweet texts from Hubby during the day77. thunder in the distance78. summer sandals79. legs to walk wherever I need to go80. a home full of beautiful things- comfy and cozy81. green grass squishing between little toes82. ice cream with sprinkles on top83. the coolness of the air right before a summer rainstorm

⁵ Let the peoples praise You, O God;
Let all the peoples praise You.
⁶ The earth has yielded its produce;
God, our God, blesses us.
⁷ God blesses us,
That all the ends of the earth may fear Him.(Psalm 67)

Man it feels good to be a...

2011-06-27T21:39:00.000+03:00

beach bum.

(Except when your sunscreen seems to cook your skin instead of protect it,

and you're suddenly a pink family. I guess you could say we're tickled pink for summer.)

Mid-Week Momfessions

2011-06-22T21:36:00.000+03:00

I love Justin Bieber.

I can't help it. I love to turn on his music and dance with the kids.

So, I guess you could say I have Bieber Fever.

(Here is my favorite Justin Bieber song, Somebody to Love.)

Ballerina Girl

2011-06-21T22:15:00.002+03:00

Before Ladybug's recital night, I had ~~nightmares~~ visions of her running from the stage screaming, "MOOOOMMMMMMMEEEEEEEE!", and me promptly melting into an embarrassed puddle. I am glad to report that she stayed on the stage and did (almost) all of the dance moves she was supposed to at (almost) the right time. Whew!

I feel like I've entered a new era-- my kids doing things without me. Ladybug attended practices, developed friendships with the other little ballerinas, (mostly) obeyed her teacher, practiced for a recital, and then performed on stage without me.

As wonderfully amazing as it is to watch these little human beings I grew inside my womb grow into their own little people, it's horrifying and ridiculous and annoying also.

Is this motherhood? A constant wistfulness about the quick passing of time, and yet a breath-taking excitement as our little ones grow to big ones-- tackling and conquering the world?

My Baby Daddy

2011-06-19T09:22:00.002+03:00

Blessed indeed is the man who hears many gentle voices call him father!

{Lydia M. Child}

Ladybug's Due Date

2011-06-16T23:07:00.000+03:00

Four years ago I was big and pregnant and hot and tired.

And mad.

Why the heck do doctors tell women their baby has a "due date" and not inform the fetus?????

Eventually, Ladybug did join our family, and my life hasn't been the same since!

Random Schmattering

2011-06-15T14:34:00.000+03:00

I think my iPod nano might be dead. This is a tragedy. (You know, if you're first world and have way more than you ever need and consider luxuries to be necessities, and never worry about things like where your next meal is coming from or if your water source is clean...) But I do like to listen to my tunes in the kitchen...
Father's Day is coming. Can I get a whoop whoop for all the baby daddies out there who help their baby mamas out? Hubby is super dad, and I could not do what I do (raise the kids, keep the house, cook the food) without his help. (I would tell you I'll blog more about him being a great dad this weekend, but I probably won't, so I won't. Just know he's super.)
I just went into the kitchen after laying all the Bugs down for nap and LADYBUG AND STINKBUG CLEARED THEIR PLATES FROM THE TABLE WITHOUT BEING ASKED. Oh my word. What a good feeling- they are getting it! (If you're not a mom, you're probably all who cares, and I care! Because small victories like the kids cleaning up their own mess is huge in a mommy's day!)
We went to the park this morning. There were all sorts of things I could complain about (it was H-O-T even at 10am, the grass was wet and it was hard to find shade to sit in, the kids didn't want to play on the playground, the kids were afraid of bugs and dogs and kept complaining) but I'm still reading one thousand gifts and instead I'll just say I love city-living where I can walk all three kiddies to a fabulous park and lay out a blanket and relax? This park trip (as well as any outing with three kids by myself) is brought to you by the Ergo Baby Carrier. Thank you Ergo.
And here are some more of my one thousand gifts...

45. grass squishing between toes

46. loving my little Bugs

47. shade to sit in

48. awesome playground close to our house

49. a baby so cute Mommy can hardly stand it

Whose Bad Habit?

2011-06-10T14:23:00.000+03:00

This morning, I asked the kids to put their PJs in the PJ drawer. Simple enough, right? I proceeded to watch both of them run down the hallway, stop at their bedroom door and toss their PJs in.

I hollered at them that they needed to pick up their PJs and put them in the PJ drawer.

Then I walked into the kitchen shaking my head and said to Hubby, "What is with our kids and throwing their clothes in the middle of their room?"

He looked at me sort of incredulously. I think he was probably thinking of this:

That might just be my bedroom floor. And the clothes I tossed there last night when I was getting ready for bed. Oops.

I felt really dumb and silly. If my kids have the bad habit of tossing clothes on the floor, they learned it from me. What other bad habits have I unwittingly passed along to my offspring?

(It can be a really overwhelming/depressing thought.)

Today, I'm gonna start by putting my clothes in the closet when I'm done with them. And I'm going to try and remember that little eyes are always watching... always imitating.

Mid-Week Momfessions

2011-06-09T08:48:00.000+03:00

I yell at my kids.

I hate it and I wish I didn't. I don't everyday. But sometimes (OK, probably once a week) I have a didn't-read-my-Bible-woke-up-twice-to-nurse-the-baby-last-night-have-a-monster-headache-and-I'm-just-plain-ol'-sinful kinda day and they ~~do things that irritate me~~ act like children, and I just snap and I yell at them.

Honestly, there's probably not much worse in the world than the quivering of their little chins after I yell at them. The look in their tear-filled eyes after I raise my voice and let them have it.

I'm working on it. Through God's grace I can hopefully overcome this nasty habit. I want to show them grace and teach them how to gracefully react to others, and yelling is not the way I want to accomplish that.

Hi, I'm Sheila. And I yell at my kids.

Have a momfession of your own? Blog about it and link up here!

Moving... De-cluttering...Re-arranging...

2011-06-08T14:46:00.002+03:00

I've been moving.
So, if you've run into some of my dusty mess here on Momfessions, please forgive me.
I know why people pay other people to do their blog dirty work-- because it's dirty work. And complicated, and not user friendly (if the user is like me and knows zilch about computers and the interwebs.)

It'll take me a little while to get everything the way I like it-- and I'm still waiting for my "naked domain" (momfessions.net) to direct traffic over here to www.momfessions.net. (I totally giggle every time I talk about my naked domain...)

As much as it stinks to sit here at the computer for hours on end writing code, troubleshooting, redo-ing and re-designing, it sure feels good to be cleaning up the place. I feel like a regularly scheduled maintenance is a good idea in every area of life.

My house needs to be de-cluttered, reorganized and shaped up every once in awhile (I mean how many junk drawers can one house contain?!) and when I let too much time pass before paying attention to problem areas (my closest, entryway closet, drawer in entertainment center, medicine and toiletry cabinet), handling these things becomes a really big, overwhelming job!

My heart needs overhauling and re-working pretty regularly too. It usually comes about through conviction from the Word and the Holy Spirit and takes much work to root out sin I have let take up residence and "clean house"! If I neglect regular maintenance of my spiritual life, I feel distant from the Lord, and often take my frustrations out on my husband and the Bugs.

Where do you need to show some TLC today? Maybe it's time to tackle a junk drawer or a sin problem in your life that you've been avoiding?

charity:water

2011-06-07T23:14:00.000+03:00

Did you drink the recommended eight glasses of water today?

Did you brush your teeth?

Did you boil noodles in water or use water in another way to cook?

Did you turn on your coffee maker and brew a pot?

Did you fill up the swimming pool for the kids to splash in?

Did you wash your car?

Did you take a shower or give the kids a bath?

Did you water your garden?

Did you take it for granted?

There are many people who don't have clean water at all. In fact, each week 42,000 people around the world die from unsafe water and unhygienic living. And 90% of those are kids. (Check it out for yourself.)

Really, in 2011, this is unacceptable. And we can help change it.

By providing wells as clean water sources and educating local people on sanitation and hand-washing techniques, charity:water is making a difference.

My good friend, Cheri's, husband, Matt (did I need all those commas?) is working to raise one million dollars for charity:water clean water projects this month. Can you help? Can you give the gift of $5, $20, $50 or even $100 to provide clean water for people in need?

Go here to donate now. You can also blog, Tweet, or Facebook about Matt's one million challenge to help him get the word out!

Summer Peaches!

2011-06-07T15:13:00.002+03:00

Juicy summer treat

Every bite deliciousness

Uh oh! Need a bath!

{1000 gifts}

2011-06-06T14:37:00.001+03:00

31. Daddy taking the big kids out for "special daddy time"

32. being alone with the baby (who hardly ever gets "alone time")

33. iced coffee in the middle of the morning

34. hot showers

35. the feeling of Q-tips cleaning my ears

36. anticipating a visit from dear friends

37. lifting voices in songs of praise as one body

38. sharing a meal with brothers and sisters

39. milk chocolate

40. getting mail/messages just because

41. picking out the perfect gift, and wrapping it up

42. sitting on the balcony drinking tea with my love talking about nothing and everything

43. being adopted into the biggest, most wonderful family by the Biggest, Most Wonderful Dad

44. "water from the wells of salvation"

³ With joy you will draw water from the wells of salvation. ⁴ And you will say in that day:

    "Give thanks to the LORD,
   call upon his name,
make known his deeds among the peoples,
   proclaim that his name is exalted. ⁵ "Sing praises to the LORD, for he has done gloriously;
   let this be made known in all the earth. {Isaiah 12}

What I am Into: June 2011

2011-06-05T16:19:00.000+03:00

What Am I Into This Month – June 2011

On My Nightstand: Organized Simplicity and One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are

In My Bible: Ephesians

On My Television: SYTYCD, I love this show! I never was a dancer, and probably wouldn't have been a good one anyway, but it's so fun to me to watch the amazing dancing on the show! Hubby and I have been watching Everybody Loves Raymond on DVD some nights before bed too.

In My Kitchen: I've been making anything that doesn't require my oven or my stove. When it's summer and you don't have central air, you eat food that doesn't need to be cooked in the kitchen! Our favorite right now is grilled chicken salad- I build a big salad with lettuce, tomatoes, cucumbers, green pepper, carrots and cheese. Then we grill some marinated chicken, cut it into bite-sized pieces and toss it on top of the salad- YUMO!

In My Ears: Really, I haven't been listening to anything the past few weeks. I think my brain has turned off the music to try and de-stimulate! Summer comes with a soundtrack of it's own from the chirping of birds, laughter of children, honking of horns for wedding or circumcision parties (cultural events here!) and I guess I've just not needed to turn music on lately!

On My Memory Card:

On the Calendar: June is a busy month for our family. Hubby's birthday is June 24 and Ladybug's birthday is June 29. Toss in Father's Day, Hubby's language school final exams, a wedding, a boys' camping trip for Hubby and Stinkbug, and (hopefully!) a weekend away as a family and we're booked solid!

(Links to Amazon are affiliate links.)

Free-Write Friday {5}

2011-06-04T00:54:00.000+03:00

I feel my voice raising and it seems I am outside my own body as I watch me yell at my kids...

I weep over spilled salsa on the freshly mopped kitchen floor and the stress and frustration of a hard week pour from my eyes...

I feel biting words leaving my mouth directed at my best friend and husband, and wonder why I chose to speak at all...

I feel like Eustache, the boy-turned-dragon, (a figment of CS Lewis' divinely creative imagination) a disgusting creature with need for change

I yearn for the holy claws to peel off my nasty scales and make me whole again

"Then the lion said – but I don’t know if it spoke – You will have to let me undress you. I was afraid of his claws, I can tell you, but I was pretty nearly desperate now. So I just lay flat down on my back to let him do it.

“The very first tear he made was so deep that I thought it had gone right into my heart. And when he began pulling the skin off, it hurt worse than anything I’ve ever felt. The only thing that made me able to bear it was just the pleasure of feeling the stuff peel off. You know – if you’ve ever picked the scab off a sore place. It hurts like billy-oh but it is such fun to see it coming away.”

“Well, he peeled the beastly stuff right off ...and there it was lying on the grass.... And there was I as smooth and soft as a peeled switch and smaller than I had been. Then he caught hold of me – I didn’t like that much for I was very tender underneath now that I’d no skin on – and threw me into the water. It smarted like anything but only for a moment. After that it became perfectly delicious and as soon as I started swimming and splashing I found that all the pain had gone from my arm. And then I saw why. I’d turned into a boy again.”

{The Voyage of the Dawn Treader}

{1000 gifts}

2011-05-30T16:34:00.000+03:00

15. starting the day hearing Hubby singing praises in the kitchen

16. ceiling fans!

17. baby sleeping through the night

18. holding the Word in my hands

19. blond boy playing contentedly with trucks and trains all morning

20. goodbye kisses each morning that hold the promise of return by evening

21. fresh fruit

22. curls of red cascading around a sweet girl's face

23. meeting a new friend at the park

24. brisk morning walk with lungs filling and releasing, body stretching and shaping

25. sugar in my tea

26.pants that don't need ironing

27. Hubby's handsome smile

28. the bread and the cup taken with brothers and sisters

29. sweet baby "crawling" on tummy determined to get where he wants

30. turkey pesto and cheese sandwich grilled to perfection

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice.

{Philippians 4:4}

Mid-Week Momfessions

2011-05-24T16:35:00.001+03:00

I have been thinking about but dreading
want to get into shape. And so inevitably I know I need to eat right and exercise. (That's really the only solution to anyone wanting to be healthy, if you want my opinion.)

Well, I've done a few exercise videos since Doodlebug was born, but haven't committed fully to becoming healthier. Yesterday morning, Ladybug crawled into bed with me and started talking to my belly like there was a baby in there. I promptly hopped out of bed and into some work-out clothes and got to work.

So, yes I have a mommy tummy. And having my three year old talk to my belly was embarrassing enough to me that it was all the motivation I needed to get on the wagon and get rid of the baby weight x 3.

Your turn, what do you want to momfess?

{1000 gifts}

2011-05-23T16:00:00.001+03:00

I am reading one thousand gifts by ann voskamp, and it's getting to me. Good getting to me. Cracking hard layers of ungratefulness and burrowing deep into my soul.

I'm feeling broken down by things I've believed about things I've believed about God. And about me. I know God will put all these pieces back together, and when He does I hope I'm a more grateful me. Me who breathes every breath with a fierceness for living and an appreciation for full lungs.

I'm seeking to be grateful and I want to share my thanksgiving, in hopes that it will inspire you to look to Christ. To see how much you too, have to be thankful for....

1. Grace, the amazing gift of God

2. the great love with which God loves me

3. the Word- alive, unchanging, true

4. Hubby's willingness to constantly serve me and our children

5. shrieks of laughter of children at play

6. baby soft hair

7. tea

8. the fresh spring breeze making my curtains flutter and dance

9. a majestic blue sky littered with wisps of white- simply glorious!

10. naptime rest for the children and their mom

11. meeting a new mom friend at the park while children run and play

12. strawberries, not the first of the season, but the plump delicious ones that come later and are so sweet on the tongue

13. barefeet

14. being made alive (Ephesians 2:5)

Bacon?

2011-05-21T16:15:00.000+03:00

Doodlebug thinks he's ready for bacon...

Free-Write Friday {4}

2011-05-20T17:01:00.000+03:00

My payment as a mother doesn't come in a check. There's nothing to deposit in the bank at the end of the week.

Sloppy kisses as I tuck my son into his bed. Milk-mustached smiles from a baby as he finishes nursing. Freshly picked dandelions given with the admonishment to put them in some water, so you can keep them forever--

These are the moments that compensate me for long hours, constant demands, and no sick days.

A freshly-bathed baby wanting to snuggle up before bed, a sick darling who only wants mama's care to make her feel better, a precious masterpiece of squiggles and swirls drawn especially for me.

These are things you can't hang a price tag on.

The days are so long sometimes, the tasks so mundane. The thanks so little. But when I stop to appreciate the small joys of motherhood set before me every day, I am so thankful that God made me a mom. Truly, there is no higher calling in life.

Mid-Week Momfessions

2011-05-19T16:38:00.000+03:00

I hate pills. Always have. Probably always will. So... I take a gummy multi-vitamin. You know, the chewy ones like preschoolers use? They make them for weird adults like me. And I take them happily.

Wanna momfess something? Go ahead and use the comments, or post your momfession on your own blog and leave the link in the comments, I'd love to hear your confessions!

6

2011-05-14T09:35:00.000+03:00

Six years ago I woke before opening my eyes and I soaked in the realization that it was a big day. (The big day.) I savored the feelings of anticipation and excitement.

Six years ago my fiancé brought me three red roses, kidnapped me, got me breakfast to-go, and drove me to a special place where we enjoyed a few last moments together as a dating couple.

Six years ago I put on the dress, smiled for the pictures, married the man of my dreams, and cut the cake.

Today it's our anniversary. Today I am (still) so madly in love with him.

Free-Write Friday {3}

2011-05-14T00:10:00.000+03:00

Shining silky seas
Deep gulps of fresh salty breeze
Uh oh sea sickness!

(This haiku brought to you by my ferry boat ride to Greece tomorrow!)

me + 3

2011-05-03T22:44:00.000+03:00

[caption id="attachment_1772" align="aligncenter" width="640" caption="in the elevator, heading out tonight"][/caption]

Some wise mama told me when I was pregnant with Stinkbug (baby #2) that it would take about six months for life to feel "normal". So true. At six months postpartum, new life seemed to enter my body because I knew what I was doing and I had the energy to do it. (Kinda.)

And after Doodlebug (baby #3), I found it to be true again... as we entered the sixth month, life just starting rolling... life with three kids was "normal". (Well, you know, if your kind of normal is saying things like "No, we don't put our hands in the toilet.")

And thinking back to after Ladybug (baby #1), I think it probably took about six months to get into a rhythm. Actually, I'm completely positive it did. Because at six months, she started napping more consistently, and we had entered our own groove of being mommy/baby.

So, I will go ahead and say that it takes about six months after you have a baby (whether it's #1, #2, #3...) for life to start feeling normal. So, if you're a sleep-deprived, un-showered, puddle of postpartum-ness, take heart-- and give yourself some time and some grace.

{And yes, I took all three kids out tonight. We walked to Burger King and had ice cream cones, and then we walked over to the super nice, new playground to exert some energy. And I felt great having three kids out by myself, hence the life-feels-normal-after-six-months-postpartum thoughts!

And another thought? I love living in a walkable place! I feel like I missed so much life when I lived in America because I drove everywhere.}

Crack Baby

2011-05-02T18:48:00.000+03:00

Maybe he'll grow up to be a plumber...

Free-Write Friday {2}

2011-04-29T09:52:00.000+03:00

the rain flows steadily from the sky

it seems fitting for now

thoughts flow in and out of conscious thought

the quietness hugs me, bidding me come rest.

though unsettled and undecided about many things, my mind gives in

i surrender to sweet sleep

thankful i know the Sovereign One

and he will work even while i rest.

Date with Mommy

2011-04-28T22:05:00.000+03:00

Yesterday, I took Stinkbug on a date with Mommy. He is such a special little man, and being stuck between a (dramatic) big sister and an (adorable) baby brother can be tough sometimes, so we want to make sure Stinkbug gets plenty of time and attention too!

I remember being so scared when the technician in the small, dark ultrasound room announced that baby #2 was a boy. I knew nothing about boys!

I still feel scared as I creep into his room long after bedtime and kiss his soft, sweet cheek and whisper prayers over him. I still don't feel like I know anything about raising boys up to be godly men!

After our date, we walked up to the gate outside our apartment building and I asked Stinkbug if he would open the door for me (since I was carrying four grocery bags). He ran gladly ahead and swung the gate wide and said, "I open 'cause I a man!"

Easter 2011

2011-04-24T23:45:00.000+03:00

Can't you just feel the love?!

(Remind me to write a humorous post sometime about trying to take a decent picture of three children three and under. Really, it's humorous.)

Free-Write Friday

2011-04-22T15:49:00.000+03:00

My hair hangs wildly askew, framing my tired face. There wasn't time to fix it (or apply make-up) as I went through the motions of my morning. Coffee was downed, Bible was read, prayers were breathed, children were fed, diapers were changed, kids were dressed, baby was nursed, lunch was prepared...

I hear the giggles of children as they ride their pretend train (aka the couch) to some imaginary destination. I wish I was aboard. I need a vacation.

The baby is sleeping (finally) after days battling against a fever with medicine and constant snuggles.

I feel weary. I feel tired. I feel empty.

I can't count on one hand the number of times I've snapped at my children today. Upset that they're jumping on furniture, or spilling drinks, or being too loud, or waking the baby.

I'm frustrated with myself that I've been so frustrated with my infant's constant cries and whines. I wish I knew better how to ease his discomfort.

In moments like this I feel the most human. My emotions are raw, my body is weary, my soul is thirsty... I know that my calling is beyond my capability.

But deep within me is a thanksgiving song-- to the One who sustains me. To the One who wakes me each morning with life and breath and being. To the One who holds my children more tightly than I do. To the One who holds me as well.

My 28th Birthday Wish List

2011-04-20T00:47:00.000+03:00

I realize I'm not four, so it's probably not necessary to make a wish list for my birthday... But Ladybug has been walking around the house with a pad of paper and pencil every other day and asking me what I want for my birthday (and I would be touched that she knows it's almost my birthday except that she also asks what I want for Christmas) and then scribbling furiously on her paper.

I will turn 28 on Thursday, so as long as I'm still OK admitting my real age, I figured it's be OK to admit what I really want for my birthday.

Comfy flats that aren't black or brown. Like these Privos, aren't they cute in gray or green? I like these from Kohl's too, in the mushroom gray color.

Books. I really want Ann Voskamp's One Thousand Gifts, The Pioneer Woman's Black Heels to Tractor Wheels, Tsh Oxenreider's Organized Simplicity, Gary Thomas' Sacred Marriage... and any other books that would come highly recommended about marriage, home-making, parenting, being a christian woman, or great (clean!) fiction!

Springy and summer-y clothes. I feel like I get so bored with what I wear! I am loving the open front springy cardigans that have some flow to them-- like this --'cause I feel like those are very forgiving with my...ahem...mommy middle.

A beautiful, artsy clock for our bedroom wall.

Brightly colored, fun-smelling spring and summer candles.

Some time alone for me. Maybe a coffee. Perhaps a bubble bath. Some time in a good book. Maybe out shopping solo. No real plan, just a few hours alone with myself would totally rock. (Says the pulled on, spit up on, peed on, tugged on, yelled at, pooped on, sat on, jumped on, talked to, demanded of mommy of three.)

Cake.

A happy husband at home all day, a sparkling clean house, and pleasant, obedient children.

This is how we roll...

2011-04-04T18:38:00.000+03:00

We spent the weekend living the glamorous hotel life: Eating from a serious buffet, sleeping on a bed of luxury, watching Dora and Mickey Mouse all day long, swimming in a (cold) pool (BRRRRRR!), eating from the buffet again...

And the last picture sums it up so well.... Vacation is fun, but vacation with kids ain't no "vacation".

(Except for the hour and a half I spent in the spa at Hubby's insistance, that my friends was the "vacation" that will carry Mommy through the year. Well, at least the week...)

My $1000 life

2011-03-29T16:19:00.000+03:00

Last night I was lying in bed, bone-weary, listening to the ~~snores~~ deep-breathing of my husband, but unable to fall asleep. (Ugh, isn't that the worst?!) I pulled up an article on my iPod, and was immediately encouraged and challenged.

Go read it at Raising Homemakers: Spending Your Thousand Dollar Life.

Lately, 2 Corinthians 12:15:

I will most gladly spend and be spent for your souls

has been on my heart as I think about parenting, and I loved how the author of this article described my life so succinctly. I have a $1000 bill that represents my life. I have laid it on the altar... Send me overseas, Lord! Give me a husband to love, support in ministry and make a home for! Give me children to raise for your glory! Easy peasy-- I could easily hand my $1000 bill over to Him and be done with it.

But what I'm finding is that God didn't want my $1000 bill. He wants every bit of my offering, but instead He asks for a nickel here, a dime there, a quarter today and a dollar tomorrow.

Puddles on the floor from little boy in undies: $.25

Baby who wakes twice a night to nurse: $.50 (for each night-time feeding session)

Daughter having trouble obeying, needing constant correction and training: $1 per day

Picking up the toys (again) before Hubby comes home: $.01

Washing a load of dirty (read: nasty) cloth diapers: $.25

Rocking a snotty-nosed baby, so he is able to sleep: $.10

Taping a book back together after it was destroyed by little hands: $.05

Wiping a poopy bottom: $.05

Cooking dinner even though I'm too tired to stand up: $1 per meal

Greeting a neighbor and asking how she is: $.05

Inviting a friend over because she's having a hard day: $.50

Sharing a Scripture with someone: $.25

I'm finding it's much harder to give my $1000 to God in this way. And then when I read 2 Corinthians 12:15 again, I'm doubly challenged because so often I don't do these things gladly.

I don't gladly change diapers and pick up toys everyday. It's hard to gladly cook dinner and clean up pee puddles. I have a hard time gladly disciplining and gladly reaching out to a neighbor (because I'm tired and I'm grumpy). I don't want to gladly wake up twice a night to feed my baby (I would prefer to gladly sleep all night).

This great illustration has challenged me to get on my knees before the Lord, and re-offer my $1000 to Him daily. To let Him know that I'm ready to give it, whether He wants it in hundred-dollar bills, or in pennies. And then to humbly ask Him for the grace I need to give it to Him gladly.

Candy Land

2011-03-25T22:49:00.000+02:00

I wasn't the winner tonight,

but looking around the game board,

I sure felt like a winner.

Mid-Week Momfessions

2011-03-22T13:39:00.000+02:00

I've blogged about cloth diapers before.

They are great. They really are. But...

When you have two in diapers, and you're nursing one and constantly getting snacks for the other two, and then you add in making baby food and doing laundry and cooking dinner and picking up toys all day...

OK, I confess, my cloth diapering is sorta sporadic these days. It's not the diapers, it's me.

And I take comfort in the fact that even if I only use one cloth diaper on one kid every day, I save 365 diapers from the landfill in a year. And every little bit counts, right?

Have your own "momfession"? Go ahead, leave a comment and momfess to your heart's content!

Growing

2011-03-21T10:31:00.000+02:00

Planted in the soil of a family,

Roots grow deep

Stem grows tall.

Every day I watch them.

Hug them. Kiss them. Teach them. Show them.

Water them. Tend them. Protect them.

Then I blink and wonder how they grew--

Roots so deep and stems so tall

And blooms beyond description.

Bugs or Monkeys?

2011-03-19T12:46:00.000+02:00

Either way, they are pretty cute.

March 17th

2011-03-17T18:43:00.000+02:00

Did I mention I'm lucky enough?

Lucky

2011-03-17T13:31:00.000+02:00

If you're lucky enough to love and be loved, you're lucky enough.

Glimpses of Skip Day

2011-03-16T23:22:00.000+02:00

There was warm sand squishing between toes...

There were hands in the sand, soaking up the fun...

There were plenty of baby giggles, kiddie laughs and grown-up smiles...

There was delicious spring weather and a sweet spring princess...

And of course, there was ice cream after (a completely unhealthy McDonald's) dinner!

It was a perfect day. Completely.

Momfessions

Sweet Siblings

The Dentist vs. The Superheroes

from us to you

Christmas Guy

Christmas Thoughts

Coats, Coats, Coats

I Won Today

A small Gripe about Motherhood

More on Christmas Contentment

Contentment

Random Schmattering: Single Parent Edition

Mary, where'd you go?

Things no Mom Wants to Hear:

WIWW

It's beginning...

Balloon Fail

Boys are (kind of) easy

What I Wore Wednesday & How I Came to my Fashion Senses (finally!)

Random Schmattering: Tired Mommy Edition

::footsteps::

My One Year Old Boys

All Three Baby Bug Names

One Last Bug Birth

Breastfeeding Momfessions

Wordless Wednesday: An Apple a Day

Coughing...and coughing... and moms don't get sick days

The Beginning: Part 3

The Beginning: Part 2

The Beginning: Part 1

11 months old!

Our Family Through the Years

Rewind: Memo from a Former Public School Teacher

Something New/Some News

Things I Didn't Know Before I Was a Mom

My Little Monkeys

Wordless Wednesday: Swing Swing

Random Schmattering: Doodlebug Edition

How to Wear Your Kids Out Before Naptime

The shirt says it all:

Sharing Gone Wrong

More poop than you would ever care to read about.

A Boy and his Train

Random Schmattering

Wordless Wednesday

Cartoons & Big Boy Undies

Fishin'

June 29, 2007-present

Too Cute

Counting to 1,000

Man it feels good to be a...

Mid-Week Momfessions

Ballerina Girl

My Baby Daddy

Ladybug's Due Date

Random Schmattering

Whose Bad Habit?

Mid-Week Momfessions

Moving... De-cluttering...Re-arranging...

charity:water

Summer Peaches!

{1000 gifts}

What I am Into: June 2011

Free-Write Friday {5}

{1000 gifts}

Mid-Week Momfessions

{1000 gifts}

Bacon?

Free-Write Friday {4}

Mid-Week Momfessions

6

Free-Write Friday {3}

me + 3

Crack Baby

Free-Write Friday {2}

Date with Mommy

Easter 2011

Free-Write Friday

My 28th Birthday Wish List

This is how we roll...